Fear

The definition of fear is being afraid, feeling anxious, and apprehensive about a possible event or situation. Being concerned about something. Another emotion that tries to take over your mind. It's a basic survival mechanism that were all born with. Wikipedia on the subject states that "Fear should be distinguished from the related emotional state of anxiety, which typically occurs without any external threat." How much more simple life would be if we were all emotionless, numb to feeling and expression, but would that make life any better?

Can we control our fears? Can we control anxiety? Can we overcome it? I don't think there is an exact answer. Everyone is different. Everyone has their own demons. I've come to realize that my fears have started to hold me back from living, from understanding. My fears are holding me back from being myself. I know what I want out of life, but I've chosen to ignore knowledge, facts, and discipline. I've always acted based on feelings. I've let my feelings control me for so long. I want to make a good solid decision for once. I have so much more to learn.

Sometimes the solid truth contradicts everything you know and anything that makes sense. You have to relearn, retrain your mind to accept certain things. I want to understand myself and others better. Everything is so confusing sometimes. I have to start with a foundation first and build up. I have to look before I leap and all that jazz. I have to focus on myself for once. People will always come and go. I have to be deeply honest with myself.

Fear and anxiety have been holding me back from standing on my own two feet. I've held on for a long time, but it's time for me to be brave and make sound, realistic and knowledgeable decisions. I can not and will not allow feelings to govern my words and actions anymore. I refuse to act based on impulse. I can't change who I am, but I can control myself. I have the drive, the passion and purpose.. but I need discipline and more patience. Patience.

All of this doesn't just apply to my life, it applies to my poker game. I need to control my impulses and act based on sound knowledge. Yes sometimes things are instinctual, but without a foundation under your feet, everything falls apart. I long for wisdom and understanding.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards"
-Soren Kierkegaard

I'm going to strive to be in accord with my complexes. To first understand myself better than anyone, then I'll be able to understand others. I'm going to overcome my anxiety and fears. I'm going to make it happen. I always make it happen. Just need to keep working harder and push myself to improve and learn. I know I'm strong enough to do this. Focus. I know I have what it takes. Patience and Discipline.

-Sydney